Monday, January 25, 2010

in a funk

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ever had one of those days where  you're just in a funk? happened to me. i think i may have awoken to the funk day this morning. there was no particular reason... i awoke to an amazing, nearly scarlet sunrise behind the mountains, but apparently even God's perfect morning masterpiece wasn't enough to get me to pull out of my mood. oh, i went to church and took pictures for our first service in the new building, but i was feeling very alone. funny how you can sometimes feel so alone even when you're surrounded by those that you love. {sigh} i'm not a big fan of the empty-feeling days, but it's all part of the gig of life, i supposed. we all wade through them here and there.

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i think, perhaps, it hits me most when we have fun family times without stan. you know, those moments when it's just not quite complete without him there. the girls and i headed up to the mountains on saturday for our second ever skiing day. it was wonderful and fun, and all the things it should have been... and yet i was there without my missing piece. (i know now that i've hit the two-months-into-deployment blues.) i took a ton of pictures for stan - i know he's dying to go skiing with the girls. then there's that twinge of guilt that we started something new while he was away. stan grew up skiing, but it's all new to the girls and me. i know it kills him to miss these  little moments.


but then i think... we are so blessed. 10 years ago, on our first deployment, we didn't even have internet access. we had $5 a minute delay-action phone calls. not only do we have the vast improvements in communication to be very thankful for {skype, facebook, email, ustream, youtube, etc} but beyond that we have that something that's hard to put into words, but helps you to get up in the morning and be ever so grateful for each day. that something that makes my heart ache when he's not here for things. that something that makes you fall on the floor laughing until you can hardly breathe. that little something that makes the same mundane everyday stuff a joy. that little something that makes this life possible for us. and i know that little something is really a thousand little somethings, all mixed up into one big little something. but all the same i'm thankful for it. and sitting here, thinking of all i have to be thankful for, i can feel pieces of "the funk" falling off.

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so there's me, wading through and lifting my head out of the muck to see the beautiful life that is my reality. it's one more reason i'm so grateful for project 365 and for scrapbooking. they both help me to look at those precious moments that compile together to make up life. not just any life, but our life... together, even when we're apart. and the magic moments with my babies that i have to treasure and to share. life is beautiful... even when it's dark out.

11 comments:

Joy Pearcy said...

Been praying for you today friend! Love you!!

alicia said...

I followed your blog all through last year with your p365. Can't believe that you are doing it again. I'm doing it weekly this year.

I, too, have been in a funk lately. I think it must be that time of year, as I have heard of many others that are feeling very similar. Just know that you are not alone.

I love reading your blog. You are beautiful and so very talented. Your stories are articulated so well.

I've been there through the deployments when my husband was stationed at Banger. We now live in Iowa and he is no longer military, but has a crazy rotating schedule at a nuclear power plant.

Good luck on your project and keep up the great work.

P.S. Love the new header!

Kendra said...

First of all Noel, thank you for sharing your talent with us. Your photography and scrapbooking really shine through your blog. Would love for you to share how you made your P365 watermark.

Today your post made me homesick. I grew up in western Washington just north of Seattle. My friends taught me too ski at Stevens my senior year of high school. Oh the memories of leaving school and heading to Stevens for night skiing. Not sure what it costs now, but it was only $10 bucks to ski after 3pm then!

I have been through deployment too. My husband was in the Navy and stationed in Japan for a bit. Back then we only had mail and pre paid phone cards to communicate with. I thank you so much for the sacrafice your family is making so my family and friends can have freedom.

Take care and thank you again,
Kendra

american girl primitives said...

Noel,

I'm in a bit of a funk too lately. My DH is gone too so I can relate to your family outings etc. Hang in there, maybe you should pamper yourself or go to lunch with a friend.

Carey

Anonymous said...

My heartfelt appreciation goes to you and your sweet family...we are so thankful for the service given by Stan and hope that our constant prayers help you and your girls in his absence. I am officially placing a "funk be gone" order to be sent to you immediately. Tee Hee. Cindy

Jenni said...

Sometimes admitting your funk and then letting yourself be fully into the funk... with a sad movie, a good cry, a nice hot bath... actually can help. Take it easy on yourself and hopefully it will soon be over.
Sending prayers and virtual hugs!

Tina said...

Hey Noel, those pictures are great, as usual. :-) I am sorry you are having a rough day. I will keep you and the girls in my prayers. I need to bring Miss Natalie up there one day and come visit, maybe later this week, if it works out for us. Big hugs to you, today!!!

Love,

Tina

Jen said...

Thank you for your post... it helps to remember why we are doing this, you know? I looked at my baby today who is going to be three next month and I think... man, I have to record it all. Life is too short and I want to remember it all... good and bad. xoxo!

kim.mom said...

I hope the funk is all gone!!! You are such an inspiration to me!!!

Gretchen said...

love you Noel

Sandy said...

Loved that little video Noel!! So sweet. You almost had me in tears! Thank you for sharing your amazing talent with us.
I hope you will have a great day today!
Sandy

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