in a funk

{other shots from today}

ever had one of those days where  you're just in a funk? happened to me. i think i may have awoken to the funk day this morning. there was no particular reason... i awoke to an amazing, nearly scarlet sunrise behind the mountains, but apparently even God's perfect morning masterpiece wasn't enough to get me to pull out of my mood. oh, i went to church and took pictures for our first service in the new building, but i was feeling very alone. funny how you can sometimes feel so alone even when you're surrounded by those that you love. {sigh} i'm not a big fan of the empty-feeling days, but it's all part of the gig of life, i supposed. we all wade through them here and there.

i think, perhaps, it hits me most when we have fun family times without stan. you know, those moments when it's just not quite complete without him there. the girls and i headed up to the mountains on saturday for our second ever skiing day. it was wonderful and fun, and all the things it should have been... and yet i was there without my missing piece. (i know now that i've hit the two-months-into-deployment blues.) i took a ton of pictures for stan - i know he's dying to go skiing with the girls. then there's that twinge of guilt that we started something new while he was away. stan grew up skiing, but it's all new to the girls and me. i know it kills him to miss these  little moments.

but then i think... we are so blessed. 10 years ago, on our first deployment, we didn't even have internet access. we had $5 a minute delay-action phone calls. not only do we have the vast improvements in communication to be very thankful for {skype, facebook, email, ustream, youtube, etc} but beyond that we have that something that's hard to put into words, but helps you to get up in the morning and be ever so grateful for each day. that something that makes my heart ache when he's not here for things. that something that makes you fall on the floor laughing until you can hardly breathe. that little something that makes the same mundane everyday stuff a joy. that little something that makes this life possible for us. and i know that little something is really a thousand little somethings, all mixed up into one big little something. but all the same i'm thankful for it. and sitting here, thinking of all i have to be thankful for, i can feel pieces of "the funk" falling off.

so there's me, wading through and lifting my head out of the muck to see the beautiful life that is my reality. it's one more reason i'm so grateful for project 365 and for scrapbooking. they both help me to look at those precious moments that compile together to make up life. not just any life, but our life... together, even when we're apart. and the magic moments with my babies that i have to treasure and to share. life is beautiful... even when it's dark out.